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massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
 Posted - 01/23/2007 : 10:05:34 AM
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NANSWERED QUESTIONS
1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
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2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool ?
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3. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?
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4. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
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5. If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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6. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
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7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
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8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
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9. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
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10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?
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11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
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13. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
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14. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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15. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me...they're cramming for their final exam.
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16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?
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17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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18. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
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19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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20. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
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21. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
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22. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
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23. As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together, it spells
"THEIRS"?
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Lynda
Advanced Member
1282 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2007 : 10:15:33 AM
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| Thanks for the laugh, I enjoyed it! |
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H1ghCh4r1ty
Advanced Member
967 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2007 : 10:28:16 AM
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Great stuff...
Abundant smiles here.
Thanks
Emile Schoeffhausen |
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Lynda
Advanced Member
1282 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2007 : 10:34:59 AM
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| Come on Emile I was counting on you to add a few of your won little tid bits about our fine city. |
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Citizen Kane
Advanced Member
1082 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2007 : 12:20:41 PM
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| Great fun, massdee. Thanks! |
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Masterful1
Senior Member
421 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2007 : 8:40:15 PM
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| Major Kudos to you Massdee!!!you made my night!! |
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H1ghCh4r1ty
Advanced Member
967 Posts |
Posted - 01/24/2007 : 08:11:45 AM
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I'm sorry Lynda, that was way past my intellectual prowess.
That list was brilliant!
Court, can you do one for Everett?
Emile Schoeffhausen |
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massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 01/26/2007 : 4:37:35 PM
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I knew they would eventually release the ingredients in Viagra!
3% Vitamin E
2% Aspirin
2% Ibuprofen
1% Vitamin C
5% Spray Starch
87% Fix-A-Flat |
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H1ghCh4r1ty
Advanced Member
967 Posts |
Posted - 01/26/2007 : 10:17:35 PM
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Awesome!
Too bad the insurance only gives out four a month.
Oh well.....I suppose that should last me until the next century.
Emile Schoeffhausen |
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Citizen Kane
Advanced Member
1082 Posts |
Posted - 01/26/2007 : 10:31:00 PM
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| Emile . . . celibacy is not part of your order? ;-) |
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richie
Senior Member
139 Posts |
Posted - 01/27/2007 : 4:31:27 PM
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Races in Everett:
White Non-Hispanic (75.2%)
Hispanic (9.5%)
Black (6.3%)
Two or more races (5.4%)
Other race (5.0%)
Vietnamese (1.8%)
American Indian (0.7%)
Chinese (0.6%)
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Lynda
Advanced Member
1282 Posts |
Posted - 01/27/2007 : 7:03:30 PM
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richie
Is this by the census? Because that does not seem right at all. I think that there are MORE Brazilians than any other race here. |
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massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 01/27/2007 : 7:10:23 PM
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THE GOLDEN SCREW
>>
>> Once upon a time, a young lad was born without a belly
>> button. In its place was a golden screw. All the doctors told his
>> mother that there was nothing they could do. Like it or not, he was
>> stuck with it.
>>
>> All the years of growing up was real tough on him, as all
>> who saw the screw made fun of him. He avoided leaving his house and
>> thus, never made any friends.
>>
>> One day, a mysterious stranger saw his belly and told him
>> of a Monk in Tibet that could get rid of the screw for him. He was
>> thrilled. The next day he took all of his life's savings and bought
>> a ticket to Nepal
>>
>> After days of climbing up steep cliffs, he came upon a
>> giant monastery. The swami knew exactly why he had come. He was
>> told to sleep in the highest tower of the monastery and the next
>> day when he awoke, the screw would have been removed.
>>
>> The man immediately went to the room and fell asleep.
>> During the night while he slept, a purple fog floated in an open
>> window, bearing in its mist, a golden screwdriver. In just moments,
>> the screw-driver removed the screw and disappeared out the window.
>>
>> The next morning when the man woke, he saw the golden
>> screw laying on the pillow next to him. Reaching down, he felt his
>> navel, and there was no screw there!
>>
>> Jubilant, he leaped out of bed, and his ass fell off.
>>
>> The moral to this is "don't screw around with things you
>> don't understand -- you could lose your ass. |
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H1ghCh4r1ty
Advanced Member
967 Posts |
Posted - 01/27/2007 : 7:24:46 PM
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By their own admission there are, ready?, don't laugh.....18,000 Brazilians in this City.
I did not make this up. This was not a poll with any hard evidence.
A prominent Brazilian business person made that statement to the Pup and I.
They are the people who sleep in the basements and the living rooms and the attics and the dining rooms in addition to four in each bedroom of the majority of homes throughout this city.
Keeping that in mind it is entirely possible.
Emile Schoeffhausen |
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H1ghCh4r1ty
Advanced Member
967 Posts |
Posted - 01/27/2007 : 7:38:12 PM
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My Dear Friend Citizen,
The Pup recalls this quote:
“Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.” -Samuel Johnson
So... it... would... seem......
Emile Schoeffhausen |
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Lynda
Advanced Member
1282 Posts |
Posted - 01/27/2007 : 7:55:17 PM
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| You no what is scary, this information about the Races in Everett is in a post titled "Smile" this is definitely NOT something to smile about. |
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Smile
