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massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
 Posted - 05/17/2007 : 2:28:57 PM
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On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to her class
> that she is a Yankees fan. She asks her students to raise their hands
> if they, too, are Yankees fans. Wanting to impress their teacher,
> everyone in the class
> raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl
> with
> surprise and says, "Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?" "Because I'm
> not a
> Yankees fan," she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if
> you
> are not a Yankees fan, then who are you a fan of?" "I am a Red Sox fan,
> and
> proud of it," Janie replied. The teacher could not believe her ears.
> "Janie,
> why pray tell are you a Red Sox fan?" "Because my mom is a Red Sox fan,
> and my
> dad is Red Sox fan, so I'm a Red Sox fan too!" "Well," said the teacher
> in a
> obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a Red Sox fan.
>
> You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if
> your mom were an idiot and your dad were a moron, what would you be then?"
> "Then,"
> Janie smiled, "I'd be a Yankees fan."
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Lynda
Advanced Member
1282 Posts |
Posted - 05/17/2007 : 2:47:51 PM
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| Love it! |
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massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 05/17/2007 : 2:55:52 PM
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Tips for Handling Telemarketers
Three Little Words That Work !!
(1)The three little words are: "Hold On, Please..."
Saying this, while putting down your phone and walking off (instead of hanging-up immediately) would make each telemarketing call so much more time-consuming that boiler room sales would grind to a halt.
Then when you eventually hear the phone company's "beep-beep-beep" tone, you know it's time to go back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task.
These three little words will help eliminate telephone soliciting.
(2) Do you ever get those annoying phone calls with no one on the other end?
This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone calls and records the time of day when a person answers the phone.
This technique is used to determine the best time of day for a "real" sales person to call back and get someone at home.
What you can do after answering, if you notice there is no one there, is to immediately start hitting your # button on the phone, 6 or 7 times, as quickly as possible This confuses the machine that dialed the call and it kicks your number out of their system. Gosh, what a shame not to have your name in their system any longer !!!
(3) Junk Mail Help:
When you get "ads" enclosed with your phone or utility bill, return these "ads" with your payment. Let the sending companies throw their own junk mail away.
When you get those "pre-approved" letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw away the ret urn envelope.
Most of these come with postage-paid return envelopes, right? It costs them more than the regular 37 cents postage "IF" and when they receive them back.
It costs them nothing if you throw them away! The postage was around 50 cents before the last increase and it is according to the weight. In that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little, postage-paid return envelopes.
One of Andy Rooney's (60 minutes) ideas.
Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express. Send a pizza coupon to Citibank. If you didn't get anything else that day, then just send them their blank application back!
If you want to remain anonymous, just make sure your name isn't on anything you send them.
You can even send the envelope back empty if you want to just to keep them guessing! It still costs them 37 cents.
The banks and credit card companies are currently getting a lot of their own junk back in the mail, but folks, we need to OVERWHELM the m. Let's let them know what it's like to get lots of junk mail, and best of all they're paying for it...Twice!
Let's help keep our postal service busy since they are saying that e-mail is cutting into their business profits, and that's why they need to increase postage costs again. You get the idea !
If enough people follow these tips, it will work ---- I have been doing this for years, and I get very little junk mail anymore.
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massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
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massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 05/20/2007 : 7:35:46 PM
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CURTAIN RODS
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room
table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound
of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few
half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new
girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.
Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off
gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked.
People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find
a buyer for their stinky house.
Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their
calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new
place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga
of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old
home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange
for getting the house back. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell
was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been
worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later the man and his girlfriend
stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to
their new home.........
And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!!
I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU? |
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massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 05/21/2007 : 3:44:01 PM
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A TEST FOR OLD KIDS
The answers are printed below, but don't cheat.
01. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, Who was that masked man? Invariably, someone would answer, I don't know, but he left this behind What did he leave behind?________________.
02. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. in early 1964, we all watched them on The _______________ Show.
03. "Get your kicks, ___________________."
04. "The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed___________________."
05. "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ________________."
06. After the Twist, The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we "danced" under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the? "_____________."
07. "N_E_S_T_L_E_S", Nestle's makes the very best....... _______________."
08. Satchmo was America 's "Ambassador of Goodwill." Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was _________________.
09. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? _______________.
10. Red Skelton's hobo character was named __________________ and Red always ended his television show by saying, "Good Night, and "________ ________".
11. Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning their______________.
12. The cute little car with the engine in theback and the trunk in the front was called the VW .?What other names did it go by? ____________ &? _______________.
?
13. In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, "the day the music died."This was a tribute to? ___________________.
14. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it. It was called ___________________.
15. One of the big fads of the late 50's and 60's was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the? ________________. !
ANSWERS:
01. The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet.
02. The Ed Sullivan Show
03. On Route 66
04. To protect the innocent.
05. The Lion Sleeps Tonight
06. The limbo
07. Chocolate
08. Louis Armstrong
09. The Timex watch
10. Freddy, The Freeloader,and "Good Night,and may God Bless."
11. Draft cards (Bras were also burned.)
12. Beetle or Bug
13. Buddy Holly
14. Sputnik
15. Hoola-hoop
Send this to your "old"?friends. It will drive them crazy ! And, keep them busy and let them forget their aches and pains for a few minutes.
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