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massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 01/01/2010 : 6:10:42 PM
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Latest "Top Ten" list from Topix.
…from the home office in Everett, MA. Here now is a special New Year’s Day Top Ten List, Mayah Clowno’s Top Ten New Year’s Resolutions for 2010:
#10. Finish up those last few credits at Clown College.
#9. Show up at work every day….if he feels like it.
#8. Finally get City Council members to say his name correctly.
#7.“Find” jobs for the rest of the people he has promised them to.
#6. Stop taking advice from Jason Marc-ASS.
#5. Keep raising the bar on the qualifications needed for a city job… and then ignore them completely.
#4. Eliminate the city’s pothole problem by planting flowers in them.
#3. Find more things around the city to take credit for.
#2. Spend more time (if that’s possible) tracking down those pesky internet posters who blow gaping holes (quite easily, I may add) in his “carefully crafted public image”.
And the #1 Mayah Clowno New Year’s Resolution for 2010, once and for all, locate where the “Days” have “Gone”.
" Send in the Clowns " |
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OuttaHere
Member
58 Posts |
 Posted - 01/02/2010 : 12:19:33 PM
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| Four Words For 'Melissa'.........TRY THE SALAD BAR! ;) |
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massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 01/05/2010 : 10:41:40 AM
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From Topix:
…from the home office in Everett, MA. Here now is this week's Top Ten List, the Top Ten Reasons that the Inauguration Ceremony replay didn't air on ECTV Monday night as promised:
#10. Didn't want to get bad ratings going up against the newly revived Monday Night wrasslin' wars.
#9. ECTV forgot to bring the wide angle lens; couldn't fit the Mayah's over-inflated ego into frame.
#8. Galluccio was the one that had volunteered to do the post- production work.
#7. Needed to do a lot of editing to get rid of Billy Cardello shouting instructions on how to keep the ceremony moving along quickly.
#6. Not all the extras that they hired for crowd shots showed up because of the early start time.
#5. Mayah not happy with his hair. Need to go thru frame by frame and add more gel.
#4. School Department won't release the footage from the High School until they get a CORI report.
#3. Didn't want to steal any of the spotlight from Rosa DiFlorio's speech.
#2. ECTV staff wanted to go to the 8/10 too.
And the #1 reason that that the Inauguration Ceremony replay didn't air on ECTV Monday night as promised, Clowno is still trying to come up with a bigger whopper than “Gone are the days...”.
" Send in the Clowns " |
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massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 01/12/2010 : 12:46:03 PM
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From Topix:
…from the home office in Everett, MA. Here now is this week's Top Ten List, the Top Ten Unanswered Questions from the Mayor's Inauguration Speech:
#10. Solar powered trash cans? Looks like I’d better scrap my flux capacitor idea.
#9. Who was at fault in the Snake Hill accident?
#8. Four million dollars in budget cuts? Or just more fuzzy math?
#7. Eating healthy in Everett Square? Don't most places in the Square charge by the pound?
#6. Does anyone really want to go canoeing or kayaking in the Malden River?
#5. Historic Broadway? Maybe in New York.
#4. First phase of renovations to Everett Stadium? Can anyone say “money pit”?
#3. Keeping our stabilization fund strong? Must be $1,000 he's added to it in his first two budgets that he's talking about.
#2. Opposition for opposition’s sake? I just thought we were all miserable and bitter.
And the #1 Unanswered Question from the Mayor's Inauguration Speech: Are the “Days” still “Gone”? We need to know!
" Send in the Clowns " |
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massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 01/14/2010 : 09:05:43 AM
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From Topix:
…from the home office in Everett, MA. Here now is a Bonus Top Ten List, the Top Ten Reasons the Mayah is in Aruba this week:
#10. According to his calculations, he accrues a vacation day for every hour worked.
#9. Hey, cut him some slack! His last vacation was almost a month ago and school vacation isn’t until next month.
#8. He’s looking for new flower species to bring to Everett.
#7. He thought that the LNG tankers from Yemen were coming THIS month.
#6. Clown College picked a great spot for their winter home this year.
#5. He’s celebrating that great election win he got in spite of himself.
#4. He’s in face to face negotiations, trying to finalize a trade agreement. But the Arubans don’t want those piles of Wood Waste either.
#3. If I had to work with Zaniboni, Murphy and Laidlaw every day, I’d want to get out of the country too!
#2. He wanted to be somewhere where he could accept people pronouncing his name incorrectly.
And the #1 Reason that the Mayah is in Aruba this week: He heard that the Aruban Police had a lead on where the “Days” have “Gone”.
" Send in the Clowns " |
Edited by - massdee on 01/14/2010 8:52:20 PM |
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Tails
Administrator
2682 Posts |
Posted - 01/14/2010 : 8:52:32 PM
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| The author of this Top Ten list sounds like a genius. They always find a way to get that "Where have the Days Gone" in there somehow.......it's hysterical to read and the real funny part is it's all true! |
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massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 01/20/2010 : 07:23:53 AM
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From Topix:
…from the home office in Everett, MA. Here now is a special, late night post-election Top Ten List, the Top Ten Reasons that Martha Coakley lost the Senate election, according to Everett voters anyways:
#10. After looking at Brown’s Cosmo spread, she made the mistake of thinking that he wasn’t “packing any heat”.
#9. She took too much campaign advice from The Advocate. But since she didn’t give them any ad dollars, they made it up as they went along (as they usually do anyways).
#8. She didn’t promise jobs to enough people.
#7. She couldn’t cut a non-existent $4 million from her budget.
#6. She had the wrong “O” come to the state to campaign for her. Should have been Oprah.
#5. Not enough press releases and pictures in the papers. Not to mention flowers.
#4. Jason Marc-Ass and Wayne Matewsky kept telling her that she should have had a back-up plan and run for two seats. Even after she tried to explain it to them.
#3. She got all of her sports information from John “Manny Ortiz” Kerry.
#2. What has she ever done about Wood Waste and New Ventures while serving as Attorney General?
And the #1 reason that Martha Coakley lost the Senate election, according to Everett voters anyways, negative campaigning. Didn’t she know that those “Days” are “Gone”?
"Just Clowning Around" |
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massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2010 : 2:11:34 PM
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From Topix:
…from the home office in Everett, MA. Here now is a special weekend Top Ten List, the Top Ten Things that will happen on the LNG Safety piece at the next Public Safety Committee Meeting:
#10. None of the invited experts on the subject will appear at the meeting. Oh wait! None were invited?
#9. Leo McKinnon will propose that two new city department be created to handle the problem, the Coast Guard and the Department of Homeland Security.
#8. The Mayah will agree that the two new departments can be created but they must be called the The Mayah’s Coast Guard and The Mayah’s Department of Homeland Security.
#7. Since he’s retired from his other job, McKinnon will “volunteer” to head up one of the new departments. And since he’s available, he puts his buddy Matewsky up for the other one.
#6. One of the blowharts speaks. Then another. The rest of them? They stayed at home because the meeting isn’t on TV.
#5. Peter Napolitano does another commercial for Distrigas.
#4. Jason Marc-ASS stops by to offer advice. Hilarity ensues.
#3. A communication from Chief Mazzie, who is safely sheltered in his Boxford home, will be read.
#2. The guy who locks up City Hall after these meetings will wonder to himself “I’m getting paid for THIS?”
And the #1 Thing that will happen on the LNG Safety piece at the next Public Safety Committee Meeting, a recommendation will be made to refer the piece back to sponsor when they realize that “Gone are the Days” when they have much say over the matter.
"Just Clowning Around" |
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massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 01/24/2010 : 7:46:39 PM
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Latest Top Ten from Topix:
from the home office in Everett, MA. We've noticed that things have been pretty, well, let's face it, boring around here lately. So, here now is another weekend Bonus Top Ten List, the Top Ten Ways to beat the Winter Blahs in Everett this year:
#10. Take a trip down Broadway at night to see the Christmas lights that are still on, a month after Christmas.
#9. Take a walking tour down “historic” Broadway. When you find it, let me know.
#8. Hang out with Wayne Matewsky. I'm sure he misses the face time. I can assure you, it'll be an experience you'll never forget.
#7. Make up your own number for how much money you cut out of the budget.
#6. Slap together a couple of bits of information that don't prove anything in attempt to expose the latest “wrong-doings” by the administration and submit it to the Citizens site. Don't worry, they'll run with it.
#5. Wait for that phone call in a snowstorm from Jason Marc-ASS. Won't that be a treat? If you live in the vicinity of Nichols and Malden, you'll know it's coming when you see Lou Sierra out on the corner blinking a blue flashlight.
#4. Attend a Charter Review Commission meeting. I hear that you won't believe your eyes. But just a warning, make sure you stock up on aspirin first. Might help to be plowed too.
#3. Start a pool on when Wood Waste will begin to build their permanent structure. Only those of you under 30 should probably get involved in this though, as the rest of us probably won't be around to see it.
#2. Help the Finance Committee determine if the Mayor needs a raise by proving that His Honah makes more per hour WORKED than any other mayor in the state.
And the #1 Way to beat the Winter Blahs in Everett this year, organize a search party to look for where the “Days” have “Gone”. Has anybody checked FFF's house? I heard some interesting things may have been found there once upon a time.
"Just Clowning Around" |
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Tails
Administrator
2682 Posts |
 Posted - 01/26/2010 : 12:00:00 PM
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I look forward to carrying over this week’s top ten list from Topix since the entire list is in reference to the infamous…… “Gone are the Days”
- Evil Dave Letterman
…from the home office in Everett, MA. Well, looking for the “Days” at FFF’s house didn’t pan out. So before we waste any more energy running around looking for them, let’s make a list of the Top Ten Leads that we have on where the “Days” may have “Gone”:
#10. They were rumored to be stuffed in the urns down at the rotary. Now, the urns are gone. Coincidence? I think not!
#9. Carnac told me that they’ve been hermetically sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall’s front porch with a diseased yak.
#8. Maybe they were buried in the landfill in Newburyport. That’d be another good reason why that place stinks so much.
#7. Jason Marc-ASS may be hiding them down at the MBTA garage. I guess he owes His Honah big time for “Poster Boy” Laidlaw’s Personal Press Secretary job.
#6. We heard they may be spending a LOT of time at the Rec (Hey Sam!) but they’re staying at the Shute Library because it’s hardly ever open.
#5. John Hanlon thinks that he may know where they are (he should!) but he’ll need some money to do a forensic audit to find them. It’ll only cost $45K but he says he needs $60K just to be on the safe side. The other $15K must be for props, ya know, like that big check.
#4. It’s thought that they move around a lot. City Services supposedly found them in a pot hole one morning. Somebody else thought they were in their last water bill. But, right now, rumor has it that they may be hiding where the Christmas lights are usually stored.
#3. Whad’da ya think them 40 Big Belly solar-powered containers are for?
#2. They may be scheduled to be buried in the south end zone when the new turf is installed at the Stadium.
And the #1 Lead that we have on where the “Days” may have “Gone”, the most obvious place of all, nowhere. They’re still roaming the halls of Ol’ Big Blue. |
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massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 01/27/2010 : 1:51:43 PM
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The persons writing these "top ten" list is very clever and funny. I hope people reading them can see how in tuned the author is with our city.
These lists are the reason I go over and read Topix.
Please keep them coming....we can all use a chuckle now and then.
"Just Clowning Around" |
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massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 02/02/2010 : 08:28:18 AM
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The latest from Topix:
…from the home office in Everett, MA. Here’s a special commemorative Top Ten List, the Top Ways/Reasons that Everett is celebrating Groundhog's Day this year:
#10. Why do you think the Christmas lights have been up for so long?
#9. It's time for the politicians of this city to wake up from their long winter naps too.
#8. You'll get a reverse 911 call from a city employee named Phil. Better than Marc-ASS in a snow storm anyways.
#7. Celebrate it now before the vicious rodent ordinance gets passed.
#6. Living in Everett is almost like being in the movie. Nothing ever really changes...except the tax rate.
#5. An excuse to run a Rite-Aid booze ad in the Advocate.
#4. Groundhogs can't write Top Ten Lists. But they can spell “you're”.
#3. Another reason for Jabba The Mayah to take the day off.
#2. Six more weeks of ______.(Fill in the blank yourself. I'm busy. My date sprung a leak.)
And the #1 Way/Reason that Everett is celebrating Groundhog's Day this year, Punxsutawney may have the groundhog but we have the “Days”. Did “they” see “their” shadow?
"When is the circus leaving town?" |
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massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 02/04/2010 : 11:22:51 AM
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From Topix:
…from the home office in Everett, MA. Well, we hear that if “He-Who-Can-No-Longer-Be-Named ” has his way, a lot of us will have to be hanging out our “Going Out of Business” signs in the near future. So, since we're not bunking next to Galluccio...yet (it's OK, he's can take it, he's from Cambridge), here now is a special “Learn from our Mistakes” Top Ten List, the Top Ten Things that the rest of you will still be able to post on the Everett message boards when we're gone:
#10. The flowers are pretty.
#9. The streets and parks are clean.
#8. Vote for Sal. Go Sal, go!
#7. I love my tax bill. And my water bill.
#6. Potholes?! What potholes?
#5. City managers need not apply.
#4. Four more years!!
#3. Why do we need message boards? The city has three excellent newspapers with plenty of pictures in them. What do the message boards have anyways?
#2. Everything's great! Everything!! Really!!!
And the #1 thing that the rest of you will still be able to post on the Everett message boards when we're gone:“Boy, I sure don't miss those old Top Ten Lists”“Why not? Not one dime of city resources were used in the creation of them.”“Really? I didn't know tha...Wait! What about the “Days?””“They don't count, they were already “Gone””. And soon to be retired...I guess.(Sniff, sniff...)
"Peek-a-Boo, I see you" |
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massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 02/06/2010 : 7:36:52 PM
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…from the home office in Everett, MA. Well, as a follow-up to last Thursday's special post, it seems like Evil Dave may have to find a new hobby to keep himself busy because of (Name Withheld by Request)'s alleged impending actions. So here now is this week-end's Top Ten List, the Top Ten Suggestions for a new Past Time for Evil Dave:
#10. Learn how to do scrimshaw with used soap-on-a-rope.
#9. Go into the blow-up doll repair business. I now have the needed experience.
#8. Teach the less fortunate the correct usage of “your” and “you're”.
#7. Figure out Everett's real estate situation. For example, find out why the Sachetta Brothers are trying to unload their Everett office buildings.
#6. Become a fact checker/researcher for Billy Cardello. May be the Citizen's site could use a hand too.
#5. Figure out what the Charter Review Commission is up to. Et tu, Walking Eagle?
#4. It's probably a little late but I think I'll look into some of that IP address modification software.
#3. Start interviewing lawyers. Sally, get Dershowitz on the phone!
#2. Track down where all of the posts to the Everett message boards have gone these last few days.
And the #1 Suggestion for a New Past Time for Evil Dave, spend time coming up with a new lame catch phrase
"Peek-a-Boo, I see you" |
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massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 02/12/2010 : 12:21:31 PM
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From Topix:
…from the home office in Everett, MA. Well, let's try to get back on track, shall we. And let's be a little bit more serious than usual this time too. Don't worry, I got the chops for it. So, here now is the latest installment of an old favorite, the Top Ten Everett Unanswered Questions (or at least the ones that we think we can and should ask):
#10. What should Evil Dave get his blow-up doll for Valentine's Day?(I said a little more serious; don't worry I'll catch up.)
#9. Why is there so much apathy from most average citizens towards many real issues in this city?
#8. If we are assessed with true, actual readings when/if our water meters are replaced, how bad will we all be hurting? At least when you are selling your house, bad as it, you can take it out of the proceeds of the sale.
#7. Will Berkeley's Everett development progress any faster than its stalled Worcester one?
#6. We got updates about the Devens School and the Old High School but not about what's not going on down at the Old City Yards? Oh, I forgot the Independent says that we can't ask these questions. Wonder why that is?
#5. Is it “Councilor” or “Councillor”? The Advocate uses both. One question that The Advocate answered for us last Friday was that you don't write about people that are suing you. Oh well! When did I ever take advice from them?
#4. What's wrong with having your own opinions?
#3. Does a large group of people holding signs for any candidate in the Square on a Saturday morning really affect how you vote?
#2. How many days will it be until the “skunk lines” of salt are gone from the city's sidewalks?
And the #1 Everett Unanswered Question (or at least the one we think we can and should ask), when will the city finally realize that it can no longer operate beyond its own means and make the tough choices it has to, as painful as they may be?
"When the cats away the mice will play" |
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