| Author |
 Topic  |
|
H1ghCh4r1ty
Advanced Member
967 Posts |
Posted - 01/27/2007 : 8:44:55 PM
|
richie,
can you start a new topic about the census or immigration?
That way we can keep this topic "smiling"
Emile Schoeffhausen |
 |
|
|
massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 01/28/2007 : 11:42:05 AM
|
DADDY'S GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS ...
This one is for everyone who ...
a)has kids, b)had kids, c)was a kid, d)knows a kid, e) is going to have kids
I was packing for my business trip and my three year old
daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she
said, "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny
fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your
fingers,"pretending to eat them. I went back to packing, looked
up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her
fingers with a devastated look on her face.
I said, "What's wrong, honey?"
She replied, "What happened to my booger?"
|
|
|
|
massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 01/28/2007 : 6:38:39 PM
|
The latest telephone poll taken by the office of the Governor of Texas asked
whether people who live in Texas think illegal immigration is a serious
problem:
A) 35% of respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem."
B) 65% of respondents answered: "No es una problema serio."
|
|
|
|
H1ghCh4r1ty
Advanced Member
967 Posts |
Posted - 01/28/2007 : 6:57:18 PM
|
love it
Emile Schoeffhausen |
|
|
|
massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 01/28/2007 : 8:18:50 PM
|
"The president of Mexico has arrived in the U.S., thanks to some nifty fence climbing. ... I thought this was encouraging. He offered to take President Bush's job for $3 an hour cash." --David Letterman
"The Mexican President arrived in the U.S. today. So, it's official. He's the last one. Turn out the lights. They are all here now." --Jay Leno
|
Edited by - massdee on 01/28/2007 8:21:48 PM |
|
|
|
massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 01/28/2007 : 8:37:55 PM
|
Three Brazilian Soldiers
Donald Rumsfeld was giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?" |
|
|
|
Lynda
Advanced Member
1282 Posts |
Posted - 01/28/2007 : 8:39:38 PM
|
massdee This was priceless I just fixed it up to suit our situation.
The latest telephone poll taken by the office of the Governor of Massachusetts asked
whether people who live in Massachusetts think illegal immigration is a serious
problem:
A) 35% of respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem."
B) 65% of respondents answered: "No es una problema serio."
|
|
|
|
massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 01/28/2007 : 8:44:41 PM
|
| Very good, Lynda. Didn't think of that before I posted it. |
|
|
|
massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 01/28/2007 : 9:00:07 PM
|
You Know You're From Massachusetts When...
The person driving in front of you is going 70 mph and you are cursing him for going too slow.
When ordering a tonic, you mean a Coke...not quinine water.
You actually enjoy driving around rotaries.
You almost feel disappointed when someone doesn't flip you the bird when you cut them off or steal their parking space.
You know how to pronounce the names of towns like Worcester, Billerica, Haverhill.
You have driven to New Hampshire on a Sunday in order to get beer.
You know that there are two Bulger brothers, and that they're both crooks.
You know what they sell at a packie.
You know at least one bar where you can get something to drink after last call.
You can actually find your way around Boston.
Evacuation Day is a recognized holiday.
You know what First Night is.
You know at least one guy named Sean, Pat, Whitey, Red, Bud or Seamus.
You think the rest of the country owes you for Thanksgiving and Independence Day.
You have never been to Cheers.
When the words 'WICKED' and 'GOOD' go together.
You knew that there was no chance in hell that the Pats would move to Hartford.
You have gone to at least one party at UMass.
The curse of the Bambino is taught in public schools.
You own a "Yankees Suck" shirt or hat.
You think Doug Flutie is the greatest athlete ever.
You remember exactly where you were when the ball rolled through Buckner's legs.
You pray for the Red Sox to win the World Series not this season, but in your lifetime.
You know how to make a frappe.
You know that "Big Dig" is also a kind of ice cream you can get at Brigham's.
You actually know how to merge from 6 lanes of traffic down to one.
You never go to "Cape Cod", you go "down the Cape".
You think that Roger Clemens, Wade Boggs and Derek Jeter are more evil than Whitey Bulger.
You went to Old Sturbridge Village, Plymouth Plantation, or both, on field trip in grammar school.
You're aware that there is a town, somewhere in Massachusetts, named Brimfield where they have the biggest outdoor antique market in the world.
You can drive to the mountains and the ocean all in one day.
You know that the Mass Pike is some sort of strange weather dividing line.
You know that P-Town isn't the name of a new rap group.
You know that Ludlow is 90% Portuguese and that Fall River is 90% Lebanese.
You do not recognize the letter "R" as a part of the English language.
You've called something "wicked pissa"
You have driven to either Rhode Island, New Hampshire or Vermont for a tattoo.
You see people like Steven Tyler (Aerosmith), Dicky Barret (The Mighty, Mighty Bosstones), Tracy Bonham, Evan Dando (The Lemonheads) and Ric Ocasek (The Cars) in the local supermarket and it doesn't phase you.
You've slammed on your brakes to deter a tailgater
Know at least three Tony's, one Vinnie and a Frank(ie)
Paranoia sets in if you can't see a Dunkin Donuts, ATM or CVS within eyeshot at all times.
You keep an ice scraper and can of de-icer on the floor of your car...year round
You still try to order curly fries from Burger King
You order iced coffee in January
You know what candlepin bowling is
You drive 45 minutes to New Hampshire to save $5 in sales tax
You've pulled out of a side street and used your car to block oncoming traffic so you can make a left.
You've bragged about the money you've saved at The Christmas Tree Shop
You know what a "regular" coffee is
|
|
|
|
Masterful1
Senior Member
421 Posts |
Posted - 01/29/2007 : 10:04:45 AM
|
What do people from Mass. use as directionals?
The front of their cars.
What do you call people from Maine? Maniacs.
What do you call people from New Hampshire? New Hampsh*ts.
What do you call people from Mass? Masshol*s.
He He He |
|
|
|
massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 01/29/2007 : 11:50:47 AM
|
Do you Live in New England?
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you live in
New England.
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work
there, you live in New England.
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in New England.
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a
wrong number, you live in New England.
If "Vacation" means going anywhere south of New York City for the weekend,
you live in New England.
If you measure distance in hours, you live in New England.
If you know several people who have hit a deer (or moose) more than once,
you live in New England.
If you have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again,
you live in New England.
If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard
without flinching, you live in New England.
If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both
unlocked, you live in New England.
If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you
live in New England.
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in
New England.
If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody
is passing you, you live in New England.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you
live in New England.
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road
construction, you live in New England.
If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you live in New
England.
If you find 10 degrees "a little chilly", you live in New England. |
|
|
|
massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 01/29/2007 : 12:25:50 PM
|
T he Perfect Wal-Mart Greeter
A very loud, ugly, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her
two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the
entrance.
The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart ....
Nice children you've got there - are they twins?"
The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't,
the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7. Why the hell would you
think they're twins?........ Do you really think they look alike?"
"No", replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got l**d twice."
|
|
|
|
Lynda
Advanced Member
1282 Posts |
Posted - 01/29/2007 : 1:37:44 PM
|
| That is great massdee! |
|
|
|
massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2007 : 10:19:19 AM
|
Lawyer at the Pearly Gates
One day, a teacher, a garbage collector and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into an iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and decided to make the question a little harder, "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered, "About 1,500." "That's right! You may enter." St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them." |
|
|
|
massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2007 : 10:28:42 AM
|
At first I thought this was going to be a Hanlon appointment.
College Grad's Starting Salary
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young engineer who was fresh out of MIT, "What starting salary were you thinking about?" The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?" The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it." |
|
|
|
Topic |
|
|
|
Smile
