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Masterful1
Senior Member
421 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2007 : 4:08:49 PM
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What do they call 1000 lawyaers at the botoom of the ocean?
A good start. LOL
Why did the scientist choose lawyers instead of mice for his experiment?
Mice will only do so many things. |
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Masterful1
Senior Member
421 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2007 : 4:09:55 PM
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| Sorry that should be lawyers and bottom. Too much turtlenip. LOL |
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massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2007 : 7:25:05 PM
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English is important
Why it's important to understand English:
I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank.
Short line. Just one guy in front of me . . an Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and he was a little irritated . . .
He asked the teller, "Why it change?? Yestoday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty?? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations.
The Asian guy says, "Fluc you white people, too. |
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H1ghCh4r1ty
Advanced Member
967 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2007 : 7:48:15 PM
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massdee,
That is one of the Pup's favorite jokes.
Emile Schoeffhausen |
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massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2007 : 7:49:08 PM
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I dialed a number and got the following recording:
"I am not available right now, but Thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the Beep. If I do not return your call, You are one of the changes."
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Aspire to inspire before you expire.
~~~~~
I LOVE THIS NEXT ONE!
My wife and I had words,
But I didn't get to use mine.
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Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
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Blessed are those who can give without remembering
And take without forgetting.
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The irony of life is that, by the time
You're old enough to know your way
Around, you're not going anywhere.
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God made man before woman so as to give him time to think
Of an answer for her first question.
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I was always taught to respect my elders,
But it keeps getting harder to find one.
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Every morning is the dawn
of a new error.
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The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:
"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding,
severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and
with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, "Are we sure this is a
good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?" |
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massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2007 : 7:50:59 PM
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Official Announcement:
The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that! |
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Fancy
Senior Member
162 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2007 : 8:33:22 PM
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An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part
of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring
back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and
gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's
like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried
with my left hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with
her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth
in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first
with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between
her knees, but still nothing.
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
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Lynda
Advanced Member
1282 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2007 : 9:33:54 PM
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| I really don't have anything to say other than I wanted this post on the board I enjoy it immensely and Fancy replied to a old one and it went away :( |
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Citizen Kane
Advanced Member
1082 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2007 : 9:46:22 PM
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| Thanks for bringing it front and center again! |
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Masterful1
Senior Member
421 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2007 : 9:46:42 PM
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Oh we ain't got a barrel of money,
Hanlon spent it all honey,
but with a hit from a bong,
he'll get along,
with Fred by his side. |
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Citizen Kane
Advanced Member
1082 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2007 : 10:09:06 PM
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| Once again Masterful1, you are . . . well . . . Masterful . . . |
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massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2007 : 10:24:48 PM
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Barbie For Christmas
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, 'What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas'?
The little girl replies, 'I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe'.
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, 'I thought Barbie comes with Ken'.
'No', said the little girl. 'She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken.' |
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massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2007 : 10:37:23 PM
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Jail Mail
A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money." A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden." The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce." |
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massdee
Moderator
5299 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2007 : 10:38:23 PM
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Walking Across Water
A rabbi, a priest and a pastor were all in a boat together fishing. The pastor said to the others, "I think I am going to go over to that shore and sit down." So, he gets out of the boat, walks across the water and sits down on the shore. Then, the priest says to the rabbi, "I think I going to go over there to join him." So, he does the same as the pastor and sits next to him on the shore. The rabbi thinks to himself, "Well, if they can do it, so can I!" So, he climbs out of the boat, but he falls in the water. The pastor says to the priest, "Do you think we should of told him where the rocks were?" |
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Lynda
Advanced Member
1282 Posts |
Posted - 01/31/2007 : 08:40:54 AM
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Again, nothing to add just enjoying these posts and want to keep them on top.
Thanks for all the smiles. |
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Smile
